“…thinking where I’m gonna be if I’m ever 23…”
It’s been twenty-three years since my first breath. It has been a beautiful life when I think about it. Yesterday also ended my 12-day reflective practice which rings in my official new year. As one of my final activities in that practice, I took some time and went through a lot of photos and outside my obvious obsession for my eyes, lips, flowers, and sunsets, I noticed that I have grown. Grown not only physically but up and out mentally and emotionally. I watched a shy girl grow into a confident woman (still very much introverted). I saw photos that I knew I was faking a smile in because my brown eyes were sad. I saw photos of persons who I’ve loved and lost, of those I’ve lost and still love. I reeled through the years and saw so many triumphs and even more failures. I reminisced on the rooms that I spent what felt like endless hours in with people that molded my worldview. I saw my steel pan, the wad of notes, the rhythm, the music that saved my life in dark DARK times. I looked back at the straight hair I once had, of the day I chopped that all off without fear.
I think of all the places I’ve been and the faces I’ve seen and damn how blessed I’ve been. I gave thanks to the family and friends that have loved me when it has been very difficult to. I am grateful for the colleagues that have shared their space and knowledge with me without fear of my fiery being without fear of my taking their place. I give thanks to those who have shown me how cruel the world can be, your lessons were invaluable. I stand on the shoulders of ancestors and elders that have built institutions that today allow me to be and do what I love the most. I pay homage to that by my stalwart journey through paths less traveled through my maintenance of integrity, service, and humanity.
I don’t have it all figured out, still learning to love myself, still practicing this confidence thing. All I know is that I want to live a passionately curious life and leave everything I touch in this realm a little better than how I first found it.
Cheers to many more years, my girl. I love you!
Musings by DN 